We are supposed to learn that we inherently have value. When we don't, as with all internal voids, we can seek external sources for supplanting that which we should supply on our own. Value is no different. However, when that supply is in question, we can become triggered. So, for value, how does that occur? First, we must look at what we might use to obtain value from others.

REINFORCEMENT
In general, there are a few key ways in which value is given to us. Intelligence, contribution, respect and strength. When someone says or does something - or fails to do or say something - that can be construed as contradicting those traits, an emotional response may ensue.

TRIGGERS
For intelligence, when someone disagrees with a conclusion or opinion of yours. For contribution, when someone fails to see the value you provided, perhaps even criticizing the final output. For respect, when some doesn't think about you in general, like when they forget to invite you for something or fail to consider your well-known tastes. And for strength, bascially, any time someone refers to you as being weak. While physical strength can be an aspect, more often than not, it's the emotional strength that is usually triggered. It is very typical that people dismiss your emotions when they don't know how to respond or help you.

RAMIFICATION
What happens when you question your own value? In a simple phrase, you tend to not do for yourself. In other words, you don't think you are worth doing for. Your actions tend to be done on the behalf of others. To a large extent, you become submissive, looking to server others, gaining value vicariously. To explain this in action, here's a story.

STORY
I was speaking with a woman around Thanksgiving who was upset that her father in retirement had become quite sedentary. However, she told me how active he was when he was employed, often a very hard worker. Seeing that the "value" need was supplied by his work, I told her how to handle an upoming holiday visit. I said that she should have her son come up with a project that needed Grandpa's assistance.

About 6 weeks later, just after Christmas, I received a random text. "It wooooorked" it read. Having totally forgotten what we had spoken about, I asked what she was referencing. Sure enough, her father was all over the place during the holiday doing for her son.

While this is a small tidbit of how the process works, in more in depth situations, it is no different. The only variation is that I'm telling people directly that they have to value themselves more. And, during the key integration phase, I become that regular reminder that they need to do that. I make them think about it every day and, most importantly, prove to me how they are doing it. After all, action is the ultimate proof. We need to undo years if not decades of failing to think for ourselves, so the more regular and the stronger that reframing is, the faster the change will happen.