4Sight Case Study #1: A retired gentleman

A friend of my cousins was visiting from Seattle and they suggested we get together. I'm always open to meeting people - although we had met briefly before - and especially enjoy showing them around my adopted town. It is my nature to guide people. Anyway, we met at a bar downtown and talked about a bunch of things. I don't remember exactly why, but it came up that she was bothered by the fact that her father was just lounging around his house after his retirement. This was the end of 2015 so 4Sight was still a pretty new formulation for me. Nonetheless, the components were in place and we agreed to figure out what was going on.

The basics are always the same. The Model says all conflict, within and between others, is caused by an emotional response, and all emotional responses have roots in self-esteem and/or self-confidence issues. The Model defines self-esteem as how you look at the past and, when all works out, gives you the desire to act. The Model defines self-confidence as how you plan for the future and, when all works out, gives you the ability to act. Impedance in other can lead to inaction which was occurding in his case, so we had to figure out which.

When someone isn't present or, as in this case, uninvolved in the process to alter undesirable behavior, you need to go on traits. After some talking the reason for her being perplexed became apparent. It wasn't that he was always inactive, it was that he became inactive where he was the complete opposite. Hence, her being bothered by the change. Two things made the cause clear. First, nothing had changed. There was no physical ailment, financial limitation or other changes that had occurred like the death of someone close. Second, it had changed right when he retired when, before at his job, he scurried around all the time. In fact, he did an awful lot, often garnering praise. Lightbulb one: it was self-esteem.

The thing about people with mild or moderate self-esteem is that it's not obvious on the surface. When it becomes severe or extreme - and these are 4Sight defined levels - it starts to pour out. Pessimism, criticism, even outright attacks. So before then it may be hard to spot. In this instance, little nuances become signs. For example, someone is eager to please or submissive. In all cases, the person doesn't value themselves so they don't think it's worth doing for themselves. That was my best guess in this case given the short amount of time we devoted to it. Now the issue became what to do about it and really how to confirm it. Lightbulb two: use the grandkid.

While someone with self-esteem won't do for themselves, they will bend-over backwards for someone else. It makes them feel good as they can see the benefit the action or statement gives to a person. I told her to have her son come up with some project and when her father visited for Christmas to have him approach Grandpa in dire need of help. This was right before thanksgiving and, after we parted that night, I didn't give it further thought.

It was a couple days after Christmas and while I hadn't heard from her since we met, I got a text that only said "It woooorked!". Totally forgetting about our discussion she reminded me and I became ebullient. This "present" was my first true 4Sight win and that was super cool. I've kind of done this stuff all my life so it's easy for me. I've employed it managing projects for over two decades. However, getting someone else to employ it and be successful was groundbreaking. Understanding it is easy, but implementing it requires a need to use it, trust that it will be effective and the ability to workaround any nuances that may appear. This was a simple one-off so it wasn't that hard, but before the year was out, my motivation to work out all the details was emboldened. 4Sight was officially born.